Adventures of the Coconut Caucus

Remember that BoobYouTube GOP debate a few days ago when the Aqua Velva Man and Rudy Giuliani got into that fracas about who hated immigrants more? 

Well, it turns out that a child of immigrants started the whole thing. Ernie Nardi, a Tony Soprano lookalike whose both sets of grandparents came over on the boat from Italy, told the New York Daily News that he was, yo, fed up with the Mexican “gate crashers” and he wanted to see what the candidates, youse guys, had to say about the beaner invasion, yo, know what I mean, yo? His question was the one that got the GOP boys all hot under the collar.

Unbelievable what hating a bunch of Mexicans does to some people!

So some nutbag strapped a bomb to his chest and held some Clintonites hostage. Thank God everyone’s fine. And check out who was the town crier according to some really serious news source:

5:16 p.m. Herman Ejarque, the co-owner and manager of the nearby Governor’s Inn in Rochester, N.H., said in a telephone interview that a relative of the suspect had come into the inn about 2 o’clock this afternoon after being interviewed by police. The man’s relationship to the suspect was not clear — he is either the son, step-son or son-in-law. He talked with the inn’s front-desk receptionist, Chelsea Coul, telling her he was cold and looking for a cup of coffee but the town had been evacuated and everything was shut down.

The man told Ms. Coul that the suspect’s wife had sought a divorce a few months ago and that he was unemployed and “hasn’t been in the right state of mind” for three months. Ms. Coul said the man told her that the suspect had been drinking for 72 hours and that he needed help and quoted the suspect as saying, “I don’t know what to do with my life.”

The man told Ms. Coul that the suspect had asked him where he could buy roadside flares. What happened next is not clear.

Mr. Ejarque said that an excessive amount of police cars had flooded the town. “There are too many to count,” he said, saying at S.W.A.T. teams, “guys with shields” and law enforcement officers from at least four nearby towns had descended on Rochester.

Mr. Ejarque said he viewed the response as “huge overkill, blown up way out of proportion, with everyone hyped up because of terrorism.” He said he complained to the city manager that today’s action would cost taxpayers “tens of thousands of dollars.”

“This is what this country has come to,” he said. “But no one feels any safer.”

And by a huge police overkill he means that if this were our countries we would have settled that machete-style. It’s enough to make Miami proud.

So as World AIDS Day nears (December 1st, colegas) , even our fearless Coconutters are trying to tap that ass with a rubber. Unless, of course you are Ileana, our second favorite 3-foot-tall (Cuban) powerhouse who happens to be part of the board for PEPFAR (President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS).

Turns out W, in a desperate attempt to scream “I heart gays as long as they don’t get married or go Brokeback Mountain in public,” is pushing for more funding for HIV/AIDS prevention that 9and we’re taking a huge leap of faith here, folks), probably includes a heavy DON’T-HAVE-SEX angle.

Now pretty much everyone agrees that AIDS is a really bad thing. So no one would say anything against this plan. Anyone? Anyone?

To be fair, la Ros-Lehtinen only warned about moving funds to “other areas”…

HIV/AIDS Groups Urge New Direction in PREFAR Reuthorization
Chairman of the House Foreign Affairs Committee Tom Lantos , D-Calif., has said PEPFAR’s reauthorization must represent a shift from emergency efforts to a sustainable approach to combating HIV/AIDS. But the committee’s ranking Republican, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen of Florida, in remarks before a PEPFAR hearing in September, cautioned against directing PEPFAR money to nutritional or health care systems deficits.

SO. What might these health care systems deficits be? Could it be deficits in the amount of free condoms? Let me make one thing clear. We aren’t saying that she is against this measure. We’re just sayin’ “te estoy wachando, esa.”

It is the job of any good blogadista to correct mistakes when mistakes are made. It’s a humbling experience for us all, and yes, even the great coconut caucus must once in a while make Piña Colada when life gives you cocos.

Romney Supports Letting All Cubans Migrate to U.S.

Like other Republican presidential contenders, Mitt Romney favors a get-tough policy on illegal immigrants. But Romney’s desire for tougher immigration enforcement doesn’t apply to Cubans, who he says should be welcomed with open arms.

“I can tell you my inclination would be to say as many Cubans as want to come here should come in,” Romney said in an interview Tuesday with The Tampa Tribune editorial board.

Ah yes. Apparently to Mitt, the best Cuban is a wet Cuban:

Romney said he favors continuing the nation’s Cuba policy, which restricts investment in the communist nation and prohibits U.S. citizens from visiting there except under narrow circumstances.

He was then asked about the “wet feet, dry feet” policy under which Cuban immigrants stopped by U.S. ships at sea are sent back to Cuba, but those who make it to dry ground are allowed to remain. They can later qualify for expedited permanent residence status.

Romney replied that Cuban Americans are exemplary citizens who have brought “great vitality, skills and energy to the American experience.”

“In my opinion, the more the merrier,” he said.

Oh, and he’s happy to announce that although he can’t not extend the offer to Afro Cubans, he will still keep them and their babies at an arm’s length apart.

But wait! He claims that Ileana Ros-Lehtinen and the Balart wonder twins helped him! Is this true?? Find out after the jump:

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Yes it’s GOP YouTubetards time! Who better to focus on but the top two that we love to hate and white conservative America loves to love (err…or hate. It’s tough to be Rudy).

Turns out Romney and Giuliani fought like two quinceañeras with tiaras and red nails balls out at the latest GOP debates.

GOP rivals spar in YouTube debates

Giuliani, the front-runner in national polls, accused Romney of employing illegal immigrants at his home and running a “sanctuary mansion.” The testy personal exchange came after Romney said Giuliani had retained New York’s status as a sanctuary city while he was mayor.

Romney, the former Massachusetts governor, said it would “not be American” to check the papers of workers employed by a contractor simply because they have a “funny accent.” He had landscapers at his Belmont, Mass., home who turned out to be in the country illegally.

Giuliani shot back, calling Romney’s attitude “holier than thou.”

“Mitt usually criticizes people when he usually has the far worse record,” Giuliani said.

But of course, leave it to the TRUE americans to step forward!

The eight Republican candidates encountered a range of questions, including abortion, gun control from a gun wielding NRA member, and farm subsidies from a man eating an ear of corn.

They were even asked if they believed every word in the Bible by a man holding the holy book, and a question on the powers of the vice president from a gun-toting cartoon-version of Dick Cheney.

Then everyone hates on Rudy about the muchachos that pick up his garbage in Manhattan as much as he hates on the muchachos that pick up his garbage in Manhattan.

Thompson raps Giuliani
Fred Thompson took the opportunity to distinguish himself from both Romney and Giuliani, arguing that Romney had supported President Bush’s plan to provide a path to citizenship for some immigrants in the United States illegally now. The former Tennessee senator took Giuliani to task for attacking Romney’s employment of illegal immigrants.

But wait! There’s more!

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