Adventures of the Coconut Caucus

Since I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, let’s foment mass hysteria…

Department of Homeland Insecurity chief Michael Chertoff, (who every day looks more and more like a French maitre’d,) decides to bypass the intelligence community and checks with
his “gut” about the chances of a terrorist attack this summer here
in the states.
The gut says “maybe,” “not sure,” “could be,”
promptly House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to propose eliminating
the CIA and the NSA to save money.

“From now on, we will check with our guts. It’s much cheaper,” she said. Chertoff
agrees, and establishes the Office of Gastronomic Acidity.

The terror level will be based on how much a gut grumbles, ranging
from pink for a calm gut to firehouse red for grumbling that
can be heard by others.

President Bush calls the plan “damn
good” and orders himself to take a few days off.

Vice President Cheney, who is not due to come up from from hell until
Friday afternoon, was not available for comment.

AND yes you can count on the mass old media to totally cover this story non stop for days…