Adventures of the Coconut Caucus

We’ve been so busy getting all hot and bothered over a possible recession/depression, high gas prices, paying an arm and a leg for milk and eggs, not getting a flight, etc., etc., that we’ve totally forgotten about our favorite brown noser, our very own Alberto “Panchito” GONEzales.

Remember him? The one who performed so stellarly as our nation’s first dumbass beaner Latin attorney general? Thankfully, God intervened before that dumbass beaner guy could become the first dumbass beaner mexicano on the Supreme Court.

Bad enough greenlighting torture at Gitmo, but imagine torturing the entire country for the rest of his natural life on the high court. Lordy, lordy!

Anyhoo, turns out the dumbass beaner’s been having a hardass time finding a job since being chased out of town like Frankenstein last summer. Rumor is he’s rubbing two nickels together and scrapping by with speeches at the few colleges and associations that pay him to come and talk because they apparently live under a rock and have never heard of him.

Panchito speaks at the University of Florida. While officials at the well-known party school were busy drinking when they invited him, several students weren’t, and they showed up in their best detainee regalia to welcome him on campus.
Pobrecito Panchito, Pobrecito

Who knew we would have our own Third Rail Latino? Unwanted and dangerous to the touch? It’s exciting!

Panchito and El Comandante back when the Bushies returned his phone calls

Alberto Gonezales only HisPANIC mentioned….

And how can we forget 2006… seems like just yesterday… (Castro and Chávez only Latinos mentioned)

Apparently you don´t even have to read the Constitution to be a lawyer or even better… Lawyer of the year!!!!!

I am sure this won´t mean as much to Alberto as his civil rights la Raza award….

ABA Journal names Gonzales lawyer of the year amid lingering inquiries

WASHINGTON (AP) _ A magazine published by the American Bar Association on Wednesday named former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales its Lawyer of the Year for 2007 _ mostly for creating so much controversial news.

The ABA Journal also picked Attorney General Michael Mukasey _ Gonzales’ successor _ to be its lawyer of the year for 2008 because he has to deal with the problems left when Gonzales resigned under fire last fall. (WOW they know the lawyer of the year one year in advance)

Qualifications for the title were not immediately clear (reading the Constitution not required). But the ABA Journal’s picks, which will be published in its January issue, appear to award lawyers who spent a lot of time in the media spotlight.

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So those of us in Washington didn´t have to pay squat to hear Alberto GONEzales speak about how he doesn´t believe in torture, whatever that may be, but in case it happens it is authorized even if he can´t remember if he ever tortured anybody.

ANYWAY… apparently Pomona College objects to paying $40,000 or even $35,000 to hear him speak, even if he was the first Hispanic Attorney General EVER, or Bush´s abogado.

AND not just because of the money….

Kelly Schwartz ’10, the ASPC Communications Commissioner and chairperson of the Speakers Committee, said that the committee ultimately made its decision based on a consideration of price and student interest level.

“In the case of Gonzales, it was a combination of not having the funding and the impression that students would not attend this event,” she said, although the committee stopped short of an initial plan to have the ASPC Senate poll students on their interest on the subject. Gonzales’s speaking agency had asked the school to pay him $35,000 in addition to first-class accommodations.

Pomona Professor of Politics Heather Williams, for one, reacted positively to the news.

“Honesty was not his m.o. when he assumed office and he stumbled and dodged through one Senate hearing after another, and it’s certainly not going to be his meal ticket now. Call me old fashioned, but I think there’s something really gross about a celebrity lecture circuit that rewards people for misconduct, scandal, and even felony crimes.”

Call me old fashioned but I prefer attorneys general that have read the Constitution…

So he may be getting paid $40.000 per speech… protesters not included….