Adventures of the Coconut Caucus

Restoring dignity to Congress, by Judging Men in Underwear

By La bloguera, January 8, 2007 3:29 pm

Why stick to boring pretend swearing in ceremonies, when you can be judging men in underwear at a gay club?

Just ask Linda SÃ¡nchez who hung out at Cobalt 30 degrees the night of the democratic we-are-back gleefest.

Once there, she became an inside-the-beltway-only-celebrety judge for The Battle of the Briefs contest.

According to Roll Call:

While Rep. Linda SÃ¡nchez (D-Calif.) played no formal role in the new Speaker’s inaugural festivities Thursday, she did play a key after-hours role at the gay bar Cobalt, where she wound up judging a “best package contest.”

Four contestants undressed behind a backlit white curtain on stage, then paraded around in their socks and skivvies – three in patterned tighty-whities the other, and the winner as it turned out, in boxer-briefs.

Move over Loretta, not even with your racy xmas cards can you beat Linda.

And in case you don’t have a subscription to Roll Call, the rest of the article:

SÃ¡nchez watched each strut his stuff and, well, flaunt his package. Proponents of protecting the sanctity and dignity of higher office will be relieved, however, to know that SÃ¡nchez didn’t actually have to judge each contestant’s package.

No. Here’s how it works, as one audience member explained to HOH: the judges watch the entire show, then go behind a curtain as the crowd cheers wildly for their favorite contestant.

“The judges technically judge for whom the crowd cheers the loudest when they’re behind the curtain and the contestants are displaying their packages to the masses,” our informant, who delighted in recognizing SÃ¡nchez, explained.

Lots of folks in the crowd tipped the contestants with dollar bills as they performed. Our source said he couldn’t confirm whether SÃ¡nchez did or did not.

“Ms. SÃ¡nchez was in a jubilant mood, though I don’t know if it was the scantily clad contestants or her party’s new majority status,” he said.

SÃ¡nchez, known for her bellyachingly outrageous jokes, wouldn’t give up details of her judging experience. Her spokesman, Jim Dau, said only, “I’m sure we’ll hear more about this in her next stand-up routine.”